Happy 1st Birthday Graham

Fredrick Frankenstein, Frankenstein and Igna
From "Young Frankenstein"

Graham not the happiest about the birthday cake and song. He totally started to quiver during the song and then just let it all out. My poor little birthday boy!!

Suzy, Graham, Dad and Mom

Suzy and I partying!

I've been avoiding writing anything for the last few days because I didn't know what to write. I don't really know how to do the last year justice in a few sentences. I want it to come out right so here is goes. Graham's birthday was on Friday, October 17, and all day long I kept thinking about last October 17th. The weather was the same- crisp morning air, smell of fall, blue skies. I don't really feel the need, or want to write the details, but after Graham was born that night I started having some real health problems; which leads me to today. I'm so grateful for my life. I'm grateful for my husband, my baby boy, by family and my friends. Without you all, I would never have made it! And what would my life be with my Savior and my testimony of his healing power. There are intimate details of my struggle that only He knows and I want to share with you my testimony that He is real. I know many people have their own struggles and afflictions and that is why I want to share with you my belief that the Lord is there and He will help you. I've learned so many things about myself through my pleadings and prayers. I've learned that no matter how hard life can be, no one can take your Hope away. I've learned that afflictions, of all kinds, drop you to your knees and humble you to true humility (not the kind you may think you have). I've learned that modern medicine can only take you so far and that you must trust in the Lord for true healing. I've learned that in quiet moments of closeness between husband and wife can you feel the greatest love. I've learned that when you think you cannot throw up anymore... you can! I've learned to never take one day of your health for granted. I've learned people are truly, truly good. That friends and family would really do anything for you. I've learned to watch the suffering of a husband as he watches you suffer because there is really nothing more you can do. I've learned that the Lord hears our prayers and answers them- specifically. I've learned the power of the Fast. I've learned that what you think life will bring is probably not what will happen. I've learned there is no greater joy than the love of your own child. I've learned that I'm stronger than I thought I was: physically, emotional and spiritually. I've learned that when you are at the bottom and you have no more of that strength you can ask for it from the Lord and he will give you just enough to help you through. I could go on, but I want to write this quote that is very often on my mind. It is from one of my very favorite books. It is from the begining of These is My Words when the author dedicates the book. It reads,

"For everyone that has stood alone on a hill in a storm."

To me this is a metophor about affliction, trials and life. I can close my eyes and imagine myself on the hill with the wind and rain in my face, cold and afraid. Starting to worry I fear that I am alone and then with that last small part of me I gain the courage to look behind to see if there is something to be afraid of coming from behind. When I realize that the fears of the unseen are being rapidly replaced with the images of my husband and son, my mom, dad and siblings, my husband's family, friends and ward members are there with me, waiting out the storm.